Category: Blogging

Anally Retentive

As Perking the Pansies has been going for a couple of years, the blog is no longer seen as a here-today-gone-tomorrow flash in the internet pan. This credibility helps with Google rankings but also attracts dubious offers from a posse of anonymous advertisers trying to promote products on the cheap. Cue the latest offer to drop on my virtual mat…

“Hi there – I’m emailing because I’d like to send you a free product to review on your website. First, I’ll tell you we make pleasure devices for men – yes – sex toys. I realize your website is not exactly in the “sex” niche, but your site is geared towards men who have all of the equipment needed to use our products. I saw your site and thought that although it is in a different niche, you may be able to include a review of one of our Mangasm prostate simulators as a bit of a change from your normal content. We also make a product called the Autoblow and are coming out with a new version soon. Anyone who posts a Mangasm review would be included on a list (only if they wish) to receive a free Autoblow when it comes out, for review purposes, of course.”

*I assume the writer meant prostate stimulator, not simulator. My mind boggles at the latter (and, I suspect, many other minds boggle at the former). 

A bit of a change from my normal content? I’ll say. This less than tempting offer fails on two main levels. Firstly, most of my readers are the fairer (and fairer) sex. With the best will in the world, ladies will never know the pleasure of a stimulated prostate or a blow job – auto or otherwise. Secondly, when I bang my gay drum,  it’s not about gay banging. This is a family show, after all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude (how could I be?) and I’ve nothing against clever little plug in plug-ins to satisfy the lonely or to spice up the matrimonial bed. Whatever pops your cork, I say. But what if Liam and I did take one of these handy little appliances for a spin? What would we do with it afterwards? Hose it down, drop it in a jiffy bag and pop it back in the post? One slip of the finger and we’d be buggered. 

I’ve always said that God has a wicked sense of humour. When he placed a prostate up a man’s bottom, he knew exactly what he was doing. It’s all a bit of a bummer and something’s that caused no end of trouble ever since the Creation. Think on, ladies. Christmas is just around the corner. Why not treat the hubby to a pulsating prostate rub? It’s not just for the ‘gays.’ And It just might put a pep in his step.

The Terrible Twos

Two years in the making and, just as Liam and I celebrated the blog’s second birthday with a drop of bubbly, Perking the Pansies received its 250,000th hit*. This may be skinny fry for the big hitters but this fat little sprat is delighted. I had fretted that our move – a wrench from the warm bosom of Bodrum to a quick-step along Norwich’s ancient cobbled lanes – might put people off. I thought I might end up talking to myself. I thought I might end up in therapy. Well, I needn’t have worried, readers have stayed the course, I’ve actually picked up a few more punters along the street and the book is still dropping into the shopping basket. So, whoever you are out there, friends and strangers alike, thank you.

Who knows what the terrible twos will bring? For a start, the equal sequel to the book will be out in 2013. Gird your loins. If you thought the first book was an eye opener, well… Thank you for all the enquiries; watch this space. I will also be releasing two e-books this month, and of course, I’ll continue to bombard you with rambling posts and the occasional bit of not so subtle PR.

On that very subject, the people at iWriteReadRate have shortlisted  Perking the Pansies for their book of the month competition. If you can be bothered, please vote. You’ll have to register though, which is a bit of a drag. Who knows? You might like this fancy new book site and stick around. Aw, go on.

* combined with my original Google blog that was blocked in Turkey in December 2010, blah, blah, blah …

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200,000 Hit Plus

Happy Birthday, Perking the Pansies

Fifty Shades of Gay

I’ve been asked to answer the question ‘What does writing LGBTQ literature mean to me?’ As a typically liberal fence-sitting Libran, the answer is both nothing and everything. An endorsement from my queer peers is of Oscar-winning significance; it lifts the spirits and brings an immediate rush. However, my sexuality is not the only thing that defines me (though, I suspect, it may be the biggest). I hope I’m more rounded and grounded than that. When I was young, reckless and idealistic, the stirrings in my loins did tend to get in the way. Had I been writing back then, I might well have been a one trick soft porn pony. Now I’ve matured in the oak and reached the vintage years, my pink-tinged ramblings have a broader brush. For me, it’s important that my writing touches, tickles or resonates, whoever the reader is. When I started this blogging lark, the fruity blend of ‘out-and-proud’ and ‘living in a foreign field’ was a successful recipe that brought unexpected recognition. This explains why the subsequent book is about a gay couple living in Turkey, not a book about being gay in Turkey (that depressing tome remains to be written). This may have disappointed some but I think delighted many more. In my view, this wider appeal does a great deal for the cause.

The one theme that has remained a constant preoccupation of mine is all things equalities. I do tend to bang that particular drum rather a lot. After all, it is the universal rainbow thread that unites us all. Equality has never been achieved by anyone asking nicely and saying please. It’s taken hand-to-hand combat with the hard of hearing. Let’s face it, the equalities marathon is hardly off the blocks in many parts of our shared global home, even in some so called first world countries. Rights won the tough way can be lost in an instant. Threats lurk at every corner and apathy is the greatest threat of all.

I’ve been thinking ahead to a third episode of my pansy brand (the second is already on the drawing board). Now I don’t actually do anything useful for a living, I might as well carry on scribbling, whether people tip me the wink or not. If nothing else, it fills my day and keeps me away from tranquilising doses of daytime TV. I might take a mince down the towpath to my probationary dalliances, in which case, volume three might be an under the counter affair, wrapped in a brown paper bag and served up with individual tissues. How does ‘Fifty Shades of Gay’ sound? Minus the cuffs and corsets, though. Slap and tickle have never really got my juices flowing.

I wrote this post to celebrate and support the launch of Rainbowbookreviews, a brand new and exciting LBGT book review website. To join in the fun I’m offering a free signed copy of Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey to comments left on this post from UK callers. A Kindle edition or ePUB version of the book is on offer to international readers (please state your preference). Winners will be chosen at random and the competition will end on midnight on 1st September.

A Bloggers’ Convention

Sarah from Was Constantinople recently attended a unique bloggers’ coffee shop convention in Istanbul featuring some of the most talented writers in the Turkey and travel blogosphere. The blogging stars were in perfect alignment for one day only. You can check out the illustrious list on Sarah’s commemorative post. Not to be outdone by our big city co-bloggers, we had our very own smaller but perfectly formed beano down here in old Bodrum Town. I spent a gossipy sunny few hours chewing the cud over a beer or two with the wonderful folk behind Pul Biber and Back to Bodrum.

What is the collective noun for bloggers, I wonder?  A gaggle of bloggers? A blagger of bloggers? A jobbing of bloggers? My personal favourite is a gobble of bloggers purely because it sounds a little naughty. I guess this could only apply to Turkey-baste blogs (pun intended). Answers on a postcard or leave a comment.

200,000 Hits Plus

A few days ago, an obscure English language blog written by an ex-pretty boy reporting from a minor peninsula on the Aegean coast of Turkey, exceeded 200,000* page hits. My sincerest thanks go out to all those people who have popped by to show their support for Perking the Pansies. Are you all mad?

Other notable stats for cyber geeks include:

600 posts – 2,000 shares – 14,000 spam comments – 4,500 legit comments (not including Faceache and that tweety thingy).

Surprisingly, I’ve been little troubled by the angry little trolls who stalk cyberspace with impunity. I’ve only ever had to delete two vile comments from the faceless.

My parochial dispatches from the emigrey trenches (in the winter, I mean this literally) have been liberally sprinkled with liberal mutterings on selected events of the day. Sometimes, Perking the Pansies goes beyond these short-sighted shores and tackles issues that interest, amaze, amuse or concern me. Indeed, many of the posts with an international twist have been big hits. This gives me hope. Maybe Perking the Pansies can evolve from reflections on emigrey life to broader horizons – from fosterland to motherland. So, climb aboard the slow boat to Blighty. I hope you’ll stay on for the ride but feel free to jump ship at any sunny port en route. That’s what journeys are all about.

Next milestone? A quarter of a million. Imagine that?

Pansy Reach
Pansy Reach

*Combining page views on this site with my old Google blog blocked by the Turkish Authorities in December 2010).  

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No Going Back on Going Back

Review of the Year 2011

Jack the Scribbler

Book promos are like buses (and men). Not a sniff for ages then several come at once.  Check out Blog to Book – Start to Finish on Redheaded Writer and my interviews with the Turkey Expat Forum and Working Traveller.

I’m constantly surprised by the continuing interest and remarkable book sales. Thank you.

Spanner in the Words

WordPress (the organisation that hosts my blog) has got its knickers in a twist over comments. They’ve introduced some unheralded changes to the comments function and now there are more bugs in it than an old cow pat. Some people who try to comment on Perking the Pansies either can’t at all, or have to sign in to some long forgotten WordPress account of yesteryear. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s all very irritating, causing much fury on the user forum and tut-tutting in the Scott-Brennan household.

I’m sure they’ll unscramble the mess soon but in the meantime, please do persevere with your thoughts, either by choosing your Facebook or Twitter ID (if you have one) in the comments box or commenting on posts as they appear on Facebook. As a last resort, you can create a WordPress Account which will allow you to comment on my blog and others hosted by WordPress. It’ll only take a few minutes off the rest of your life.

No Going Back on Going Back

‘In the beginning there was work and work was God. After 35 years in the business, the endless predictability made me question the Faith.’

I wrote those words on the 8th October 2010, the opening sentence of my debut post on a brand new blog about a couple of silly, cynical old queens who decided to jump the good ship Blighty and wade ashore to Asia Minor as gay semigreys (or is it semigays? No, that would be those who dip in and out). For a minority report, the blog’s done rather well. Now there’s a book. That’s done rather well too. Remarkable. Both crept up behind us without hint or herald. Maybe we should have listened to the early advice of our playground peers and kept our backs to the wall. Too late now.

We planned to stay in Turkey for a good few years, slowly descend into memory loss and erectile dysfunction disguised by a haze of alcohol, then paddle back to Blighty for the liver transplant and wait for the Grim Reaper’s call. Sadly, it’s not to be. I’d like to do author things and keep the pennies (and believe me I do mean pennies) rolling in. I can do neither in Turkey. There’s another reason. An important reason. There are pressing family issues that cannot be ducked or delayed. If you have read the book you will understand:

“One day, our Turkish adventure might be curtailed. We were prepared.” (Chapter 12)

That time has come.

Where will we be laying our hatboxes next? Well, there’s a clue in the picture below. Hint – it’s not in Soho.

Where is this?

Thank you Turkey for breaking the umbilical cord between wages and lifestyle. Thank you Turkey for giving me the time and space to write. Thank you Turkey for handing me a story on a plate. We hope one day to return. But, for now there’s no going back on going back.

Perking the Pansies2 (464 x 700)The photo above is a picture of one of the great cathedrals of England but where is it? Answer correctly for the chance to win* a signed copy of Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey. Submit your answer by commenting on this post.

*The winner will be chosen at random by Liam from correct entries submitted before 4th March 2012. Comments containing entries to the competition will not be published until after this date so no cheating. The book will be shipped free to the winner to any address in the UK or Turkey. Delivery elsewhere (Mongolia, the dark side of the Moon, etc) may incur charges depending on the cost. Those who already know the answer are banned (we know who you are).

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In the Beginning

And the Winners Are…

Norwich?!

The Graveyard Slot

Where to now?

My 500th post was about marriage equality which seems fitting considering we’re a couple of old ‘married’ pansies. I’ve no idea how many words this miraculous milestone represents. It must be more than 100,000, maybe a lot more. It’s been a great ride on an epic journey of little importance that’s kept me out of mischief and sober(ish). And now there’s the book. I’m often asked if I’d always intended to start a blog and write a book. The answer is no. In fact, we didn’t give any thought at all to what we’d do after we paddled ashore. One lesson we learned very early was that neither the journey nor the destination is the be all and end all. What really counts is what you do after you’ve arrived. That’s the clever bit.

I started the blog 15 months ago. Generally, I’ve written little and often, virtually every day. This strategy has worked well. However, my daily ramblings can’t continue now that I’m preoccupied with promoting the book to earn a honest crust (outside Turkey, obviously). The blog’s been good to me. It deserves my best attention. I’ve decided that the only way to do this is to change the recipe and post less often. There wasn’t a post yesterday and there won’t be one tomorrow. Will this result in plummeting ratings, a kick to the graveyard slot and cancellation of the show mid-series?  We’ll see.

And this is the reason why I can’t do it all.

Jail Bait

In December 2010, Perking the Pansies was blocked by the Turkish internet police. I threw a hissy fit at the prospect of a firm hand on my door knob, a frisk by a frisky conscript and instant deportation. It all turned out to be a storm in a çay cup. Tens of thousands of Google blogs were instantly blacked out because they all shared the same IP address with a couple of Turkish websites that were infringing copyright law (laughable when you think that Turkey is flooded with counterfeit goods). As a result, my inconsequential ramblings were simply caught up in lazy censorship – the scatter gun approach punished the innocent and the guilty alike. My blog became, as the Americans say, ‘collateral damage‘. I had to shut up shop at Google and move lock, stock and barrel to new premises at Word Press.

Well, bugger me. It’s happened again. This time, the idiotic censors have targeted my personal website, jackscott.info, which I use to promote my book. I’d like to make some PR capital out of this by claiming anti-gay discrimination but, alas, I can’t. The circumstances are exactly as before. This time, it seems porn and gambling sites were targeted. I found one site sharing my IP address called Jail Bait; sounds like a particularly nasty little corner of the web. Ban illegal sites by all means but it can’t be beyond the wit of these petty bureaucrats to deal with offenders individually, instead of pulling the plug on thousands of innocent sites just because it’s easier.

I’m pleased to write that the problem has now been resolved by changing my IP address with my domain registrar. What a palavar.