Apple technology is not the best or always the most innovative but it is undeniably iconic with real feel appeal. Steve Jones was a genius but also a philosopher. ‘Nobody wants to die,’ he said. ‘Even those who want to go to Heaven, don’t want to die to get there.’ He knew better than most that death is the final destination for all of us. ‘Never settle,’ he said. That’s why Liam and I are in Turkey.
When I was in negotiation with my publisher, Jo Parfitt, she asked me if Perking the Pansies, the book, would attract a wider audience beyond a gay niche. It’s a question I had asked of myself. It’s not a bad niche to be stuck in. By some accounts, the pink pound is worth about £6 billion in the UK and the US equivalent (the dorothy dollar) is reckoned to be worth a staggering $640 billion. Even if this is an exaggeration in these recessionary times it’s still big bucks.
The more I thought about it the more I realised that neither the book nor the blog are actually about gay life in Turkey, rather they are about a gay couple living in Turkey. This is an important distinction. I did a little digging about my blog readership. It turned out that my pansy fans are overwhelmingly British, female (about 70%) and over 45 (around 80%). Even though the blog is occasionally a little naughty and gay boy about town, this hasn’t put off the straight reader. This may be because gay culture is much more mainstream in Britain than elsewhere. The gay scene has emerged from the dark ghetto on the wrong side of the tracks and gone very high street (or Main Street as they say on the other side of the pond), the Daily Mail has stopped being routinely beastly and the tea-time TV choices for British women of a certain age are Graham Norton and Paul O’Grady (neither of whom hide their flashing pink light under a bushel).
What do you think?
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You’d have to be in a coma or living in the rainforest of Papua New Guinea not to know it’s the 10th anniversary of 9/11. There are a number of momentous events that have characterised modern history and changed our world forever – Waterloo, the Great War, the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust, Stalingrad, Hiroshima and then the Twin Towers. These events define the age. Almost all involved brutality and slaughter – man’s inhumanity to man. Few will forget that fateful day. Most can remember where they were and what they were doing. I know I can. I watched in silent horror. This changes everything, I thought with typically restrained British understatement. The Cold War may be over but a new ideological conflict was about to start in deadly earnest.
Not since January 1815 when 1,500 British troops attacked a thinly defended American battery on Georgia’s coast* has any foreigner attacked the American mainland. To be sure there had been terrorist atrocities before but the scale of the aerial strikes on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon were of an entirely different order using two of the most potent symbols of western technological supremacy – the passenger jet and the skyscraper. It’s made America jittery and defensive. Moslems across the West are vilified as the new reds under the bed and the loose talk of jihad and crusades makes our fragile and fractious world an infinitely more dangerous place. Be afraid.
*The British then proceeded to sack the nearby town of St. Mary’s and burn its fort before departing just weeks later. The hostilities marked the last invasion and occupation of the U.S. mainland by foreign troops. The fighting was all the more remarkable because the War of 1812 (when the British tried to burn down the White House) had ended a month earlier with the Treaty of Ghent. By the time the invaders pulled out, even Andrew Jackson’s victory over the British at New Orleans – often considered the final battle of the war – was history. It had taken a month for word of peace to make its way across the Atlantic to both British and American forces.
Source: The Archaeological Institute of America
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Today’s guest post is from Linda at Adventures in Expatland. Linda writes prolifically and brilliantly about her life in the Netherlands and the expat experience. I’m certain she was a spook for the CIA in her former life, though she denies it. ‘If I told you,’ she said, ‘I’d have to kill you.’ Here she writes about the glories of summer. When I read her post, my own childhood memories came flooding back. Remember the days when summers lasted forever? These days, the years just fly by. At this rate, it won’t be long before I’m six foot under.
Growing up as a child in upstate New York back in the US, summer was a gloriously sunny season that seemed to go on and on. That is, when it wasn’t raining. Which wasn’t all that often, but still. After morning chores were completed, my days were generally my own, filled with swimming, riding bikes, the annual family vacation. More than anything else, summer meant just hanging out with friends.
We finished the school year in mid-June, and didn’t have to report back until the day after Labor Day. Since this national holiday must fall on the first Monday in September, that usually meant we headed back to school sometime during the first week of the month. The entire months of July and August were summer, pure and simple.
A few times I recall the thrill of September 1st arriving on a Tuesday. That meant that in those special years Labor Day Monday would fall on the 7th, and we didn’t have to go to school until the 8th. The 8th! I still recall that magical feeling that we’d somehow wrangled a few extra precious days of summer.
As I got older and moved around the country a bit, I learned that school districts in other cities and towns had sizable leeway in setting their school calendars. When we lived in Arlington, Virginia (outside of Washington DC), the local school district chose to cut back on a few vacation days during the year to allow children to finish earlier in June, yet they still adhered to the day after Labor Day as the start of the new school year.
Imagine Son and Daughter’s dismay the year we moved further south to North Carolina: school started and ended two weeks earlier. Their summer freedom that year was shortened by two full weeks. They were livid. I recall unpacking boxes in our new home to the sweltering chorus of Two full weeks! We’ve been robbed. Cheated!
Let me tell you: Handel’s Messiah it wasn’t.
We settled in, and for five years it was fine. Then we moved to The Netherlands. And you’ll never guess what we learned. (Yeah, right, like you couldn’t see this coming a mile away.) Their international school started one week – all together now – earlier than their schools back in North Carolina.
Go figure.
I’d like to say that they handled it better this time because they were older, more mature, and guided by my stellar parenting skills. Actually, it was because Son and Daughter were so bored not knowing anyone and so overwhelmed with culture shock that they were happy to get back into the school day grind just to meet others who could help them make sense of their new world. Oh, and we didn’t have cable television at home yet.
With school starting August 17th this year, I’m going to be at home by myself during the final days of August. And what will I be doing? Working, of course. Except for those extra special days of fabulous weather when I reclaim summer and steal away for a few hours, riding my bike on beautiful trails to the beach.
Shhhhh…don’t tell the kids.
I’m forever amazed at the growing popularity of Perking the Pansies across the pond. My inconsequential witterings tell the tale of two middle-aged gay men in a faraway Moslem land written in a peculiarly British carry on style laced with low wit and attempted irony. Let’s face it it’s a minority sport. I’ve published the odd piece about my visits of yesteryear to the Land of the Free but beyond that I can’t see the appeal. So who are you my Yankee pansy fans? Are you mainly expat Brits living in America or genuine Yankee doodle dandies attracted to the semi-gay theme in a fag frat pack sort of way? Does the expat perspective resonate for global nomads wherever they are? Perhaps you just like it because it’s funny or well-observed (or both or neither). Or maybe you’re just waiting for us to be clapped in irons for outraging public morals, or worse (as would happen in some other Moslem countries).
You may have read that I’m writing a book that’s due out at Christmas. God knows I’ve been banging on about it enough. It’s the best of the blog and mixed with the same ingredients but tells our emigrey tale with extra spice and more depth. I doubt it’ll make my fortune but I’d like it to do well. Of course, I’d love it to fly off the shelves. The trouble is I don’t know what American shelves it might fly off from. I’d really like to know why you read my inane and irreverent ramblings. If you have the time and the inclination please leave a comment on this post, add a few words to my Faceache page or drop me a line at:
I’m not fishing for complements (though all will be gratefully received). If you have any marketing tips I’d like to hear about these too.
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I’ve been following the debate about civil unions across the pond with interest and bemusement. America was founded on the noble principle that all men are born equal (although, at the time this sentiment didn’t extend to slaves or women). The States is not called the Land of the Free for nothing. Last month New York State legalised same sex marriage, the most populous state ever to have done so. New York has now joined a small select group that includes Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont, as well as the District of Columbia. Because it’s New York, New York where Lady Liberty shines her torch the event has been widely reported across the globe. It’s even hit the media here in Turkey.
I assume I’m correct in thinking that a same sex union registered in New York has no legal standing in those states that do not recognise such relationships or have positively banned them. So it’s okay to be a child African bride, a forced Pakistani bride or a polygamous Arab but it’s not okay for two consenting adult Americans to decide who their significant other should be. What a strange situation. There will always be people who object to same sex relationships on moral or religious grounds. They are entitled to their views but are not entitled to force them on others. The wish of some to form a romantic bond with a member of the same sex is a personal issue. The legal recognition of it does not lead to anarchy and Armageddon.
What of my homeland? Civil partnerships were introduced in United Kingdom in 2004 which give same-sex couples rights and responsibilities identical to civil marriage. New Labour may well have put the country in hock for the next century but they did deliver a radical and comprehensive equal rights agenda. This was truly historic and I believe history will judge it so. About time too. I had become thoroughly fed up with a society that expected me to pay all my dues in return for second class citizenship and semi-rights. Liam and I married in 2008.
What of my fosterland? Homosexuality is not mentioned in the Turkish legal code and so gay people live in a kind of legal limbo neither protected nor persecuted, officially anyway. The Turkish Government has made it abundantly clear that it has no intention of introducing equal rights for lesbian and gay Turks. I have to add, our obvious union has never received a bad vibe from the Turks around us. If anything the reverse has been true. As infidels we’re Hell-bound anyway so it matters little what we do.
America is not perfect, no country is, but it is a beacon of freedom and hope for people from less blessed lands. Some people are gay. It’s just the way it is.
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I’d like to extend a huge thank you to an individual from Burlingame, California who has single-handedly doubled the hits to Perking the Pansies for the 4th July, American Independence Day. I really hope you like what you read and will come back again. Burlingame, the City of Trees, is a small community close to San Francisco. It looks like a charming place to live. Perhaps Liam and I will get to visit one day.
On this side of the pond it was Independence Day long before our Yankee cousins awoke from their slumber and began their tea party. It made me wonder how the course of modern history might have been different if mad King George III and his hapless ministers had agreed to the reasonable demands of the thirteen colonies to be represented in the British Parliament.
Happy Birthday America. No hard feelings.
PS: It would be thoughtless of me not to mention the dedicated Pansy Fan from San José, Costa Rica who has visited hundreds of times over the months. I don’t know who you are but I’m indebted to you. ‘I thank you’ as the glorious Julian Clary would say.
A pansy flasher from Los Angeles prompted me to do a bit of digging about and I think I’ve just exceeded my 15,000th American hit. I can’t be completely certain as WordPress doesn’t do geographical stats so I cobbled the figures together from other sources. However, what is clear is that around a fifth of pansy fans now come from across the pond. I’m at a complete loss as to why this is. Perking the Pansies is about expat life in a faraway land written in a peculiarly British camp Carry On style with a side of extra bite. I never imagined my irreverent drivel would appeal to our Yankee cousins who’ve developed a different brand of humour since independence. I hoped I might capture a few punters in New York and San Francisco but it seems that the pansies have penetrated every single state in the Union. I feel like a minor American Idol.
Talking of the City of Angels, I have many fun memories of my whirlwind tour of southern California way back in 1991. I was rendered speechless by the sheer scale of the larger than life city, fell head over heels for the charm of Laguna Beach, got gloriously drenched at SeaWorld*, screamed like a girl at Disneyland, leered lasciviously at the muscle marys pumping iron on Venice Beach and laughed out loud at the absurdity of Palm Springs. The final part of my all too brief break saw me tripping the light fantastic in seedy West Hollywood, epicentre of gay life in LA LA Land. I lodged at the San Vincente Inn, a delightful gay hotel back in the day. Alas it now appears the place has degenerated into a cesspit of shameless debauchery. None of that happened to me, more’s the pity.
*I don’t really approve of performing animals these days even when it’s done which such care as is the case with SeaWorld.
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Fancy a Ride?
Yankee vetpat Barbara Isenberg dishes out a delicious mix of daily essays, photos and advice on living and travelling in Turkey in her colourful blog Turkish Muse. Barbara is currently celebrating her wedding anniversary with hubby Jeff in gay Paree. To avoid any distractions from their romantic indulgence in the city of lovers she asked me and a number of others to guest post while she’s being swept off her feet. I was delighted to be asked and happy to oblige. It’s an inspired idea and one I might try on our next sojourn to Blighty in August.
My piece describes a naughty night out on the tiles before we migrated to the sun. Picture it – a hot and steamy summer night in old Bodrum Town…
Liam’s kid brother called by for a couple of days. These days he’s a very important businessman and had been attending a conference in Izmir. For some inexplicable, obscure family reason his name is Troy. The only other Troy I know used to be a stripper whose real name is Nigel and is hung like a Trojan horse. Our Troy inherited the entrepreneurial gene in the Brennan Clan and is doing very nicely whereas Liam will remain a penniless creative genius, to be applauded only after his demise. My brother-in-law wears his success in an unassuming, non-showy way. He shares our solid liberal values. I think of him as the acceptable face of capitalism, particularly when he insists on picking up the tab for his poor relations.
The Brennan brothers enjoyed a two-day fraternal love-in of liver failing proportions with me in tow. Naughty boy Troy has a desert dry wit, a mischievous streak and an unhealthy obsession with Kentucky fried chicken. Bodrum has already succumbed to the American cultural imperialism of Mcdonald’s, Burger King and Starbucks. The locals are lovin’ it. I must confess I’m partial to a Big Mac myself from time to time. It’s good for lining the stomach before hitting the sauce. I assume it’s only a matter of time before Colonel Sanders invades our shores with his secret blend of eleven herbs and spices.
We competed to see who could drink who under the table blending grape with the grain diluted with Rakı chasers. I can proudly declare that this diminutive English proddy romped home. So much for the legendary Irish reputation for hard drinking. My emerald lads conceded defeat with typical Celtic good humour. ‘I ain’t care,’ Troy slurred as we poured him into his cab for the airport carrying his liver in a jiffy bag.
Troy is a quality pro bro.
Check out the book
Perking the Pansies 