Category: Books

No Going Back on Going Back

‘In the beginning there was work and work was God. After 35 years in the business, the endless predictability made me question the Faith.’

I wrote those words on the 8th October 2010, the opening sentence of my debut post on a brand new blog about a couple of silly, cynical old queens who decided to jump the good ship Blighty and wade ashore to Asia Minor as gay semigreys (or is it semigays? No, that would be those who dip in and out). For a minority report, the blog’s done rather well. Now there’s a book. That’s done rather well too. Remarkable. Both crept up behind us without hint or herald. Maybe we should have listened to the early advice of our playground peers and kept our backs to the wall. Too late now.

We planned to stay in Turkey for a good few years, slowly descend into memory loss and erectile dysfunction disguised by a haze of alcohol, then paddle back to Blighty for the liver transplant and wait for the Grim Reaper’s call. Sadly, it’s not to be. I’d like to do author things and keep the pennies (and believe me I do mean pennies) rolling in. I can do neither in Turkey. There’s another reason. An important reason. There are pressing family issues that cannot be ducked or delayed. If you have read the book you will understand:

“One day, our Turkish adventure might be curtailed. We were prepared.” (Chapter 12)

That time has come.

Where will we be laying our hatboxes next? Well, there’s a clue in the picture below. Hint – it’s not in Soho.

Where is this?

Thank you Turkey for breaking the umbilical cord between wages and lifestyle. Thank you Turkey for giving me the time and space to write. Thank you Turkey for handing me a story on a plate. We hope one day to return. But, for now there’s no going back on going back.

Perking the Pansies2 (464 x 700)The photo above is a picture of one of the great cathedrals of England but where is it? Answer correctly for the chance to win* a signed copy of Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey. Submit your answer by commenting on this post.

*The winner will be chosen at random by Liam from correct entries submitted before 4th March 2012. Comments containing entries to the competition will not be published until after this date so no cheating. The book will be shipped free to the winner to any address in the UK or Turkey. Delivery elsewhere (Mongolia, the dark side of the Moon, etc) may incur charges depending on the cost. Those who already know the answer are banned (we know who you are).

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In the Beginning

And the Winners Are…

Norwich?!

Postcards from the Ege

I’ve got a limited number of signed copies of Perking the Pansies available for free shipping to Turkey. Amazon delivery charges are simply outrageous so this represents a bit of a bargain. Also, if you live in Blighty, a signed copy to any UK address comes with free delivery. So roll up, roll up to get your mitts on the best expat book to come out of Asia Minor since Alexander the Great’s Postcards from the Ege. You never know. It might be worth something one day. Buy one here!

Parlez-vous Polari?

As my regular pansy punters know, I’ve just done a gig for the Polari Literary Salon at London’s Royal Festival Hall. I was in the company of a fine cast of literati – Rebecca Idris Hugh Mulhall, Max Wallis, Catherine Hall and Tiffany Murray. The chorus line was made up of friends and regular pansy characters – Nancy, Murat, Clive, Ian, Matt and Philip. I calmed myself with a quick wine stiffener in the Green Room before I climbed the stage to perform against a sumptuous backdrop of The London Eye and Palace of Westminster. I’m not sure who was the more nervous, Liam or me. Despite the tummy terror, I didn’t fluff too many of my lines. I was well received by the enthusiastic audience and I’m eternally grateful to the wonderful and gifted Paul Burston who made it all possible.

Censorship Getting Madder

My ‘Welcome‘ page on the Facebook Perking the Pansies Book site is no longer available in Turkey. The page is supplied courtesy of a third party application called Pagemodo. Perhaps Pagemodo has just been added to the very, very long (and getting longer) list of sites blocked by lazy Turkish censors. First the lights went out on my blog, then my personal site, now a harmless promo page on Facebook. This is all getting a little tedious. How is an indecent boy meant to make a decent living round here?

Perking the Pansies eBook

You don’t need a Kindle to download the Perking the Pansies ebook. All you need is a Kindle Reading App for your iPhone, PC, iPad or Android device. Download the app for free from Amazon.

The Postman Never Rings Twice

The Turkish postal system is a hit and miss affair at the best of times. We do get mail delivered to our house. Well, not delivered exactly, more chucked over the wall into the garden. I’m not joking. The postman always rings twice? Round these parts he can’t be arsed to ring at all. Thankfully, we’ve had little to do with post services since our arrival from Blighty. This is just as well. Receiving the credit card bill a week after it is due to be paid is a novel approach to financial management. Recently though, I’ve been sending one or two of my books to people hereabouts. Complementary, of course; I’m not allowed to make money here. I’ve been down to the main post office in the centre of Bodrum a couple of times now. What is it that makes post office counter staff the world over miserable, surly and unhelpful?

The Graveyard Slot

Where to now?

My 500th post was about marriage equality which seems fitting considering we’re a couple of old ‘married’ pansies. I’ve no idea how many words this miraculous milestone represents. It must be more than 100,000, maybe a lot more. It’s been a great ride on an epic journey of little importance that’s kept me out of mischief and sober(ish). And now there’s the book. I’m often asked if I’d always intended to start a blog and write a book. The answer is no. In fact, we didn’t give any thought at all to what we’d do after we paddled ashore. One lesson we learned very early was that neither the journey nor the destination is the be all and end all. What really counts is what you do after you’ve arrived. That’s the clever bit.

I started the blog 15 months ago. Generally, I’ve written little and often, virtually every day. This strategy has worked well. However, my daily ramblings can’t continue now that I’m preoccupied with promoting the book to earn a honest crust (outside Turkey, obviously). The blog’s been good to me. It deserves my best attention. I’ve decided that the only way to do this is to change the recipe and post less often. There wasn’t a post yesterday and there won’t be one tomorrow. Will this result in plummeting ratings, a kick to the graveyard slot and cancellation of the show mid-series?  We’ll see.

And this is the reason why I can’t do it all.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours

If you live in the United Kingdom and would like to buy a signed copy of Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey, delivered free, please click here.

If you’d like a signed copy of the book but live outside the UK, please leave a comment on this post or contact me via my personal website.

Perking the Pansies Book Trailer

It’s done and dusted. My World Book Tour across four continents has finally come to an end. The stage lights have dimmed and the sequins have been packed away for another day. I’m knackered even though I’ve not shifted from the sofa. Was it a sell out? No idea. Have I sold copies of the book? Certainly. To celebrate the end of the tour, I’m releasing my very first book trailer. BAFTAs here we come. Grab yourself some popcorn and a fizzy drink, sit back and watch:

Now to my acceptance speech…

Please extend a massive hand to the talented and generous supporting cast, stars in their own right, who took a back seat and let me take centre stage to strut my stuff.

Fittingly, the tour kicked off in my foster land with Soldier, Solder at a place in the country with rustic old sapper Archers of Okçular.

Next stop was a flying visit to the motherland for our London gig at cosmopolitan Aussie Gidday from the UK with Gidday from Turkay.

The third show, AussieBum was presented Down Under at A Life Less Ordinary with the far from ordinary Russell.

A long virtual night flight took me across the Pacific to the Eureka State – California – for Perking Across the Pond on Lick the Fridge courtesy of gifted wordsmith and family man, Jared.

My second Californian date was a camp inquisition on the pink sofa with the absolutely fabulous Impossibly Glamorous.

No time to dawdle. It was back on the virtual trail to Old Constantinople for a gig on the sharp and witty Istanbul Stranger telling my Yankee Tales, continuing the American theme.

Daft planning took my back Stateside to Provincetown in New England to be entertained by M’lady and the puppets review Perking the Pansies at cross-cultural Slowly-by-Slowly, no strings attached.

I flew the virtual transatlantic red eye for the Continental European leg of my tour. First stop, a chat of the This Morning sofa with my inspirational publisher, Jo Parfitt in the Low Countries.

Next up a trek across the Pyrenees to a campsite somewhere in southern Spain for my Trailer Trash show with the impossibly healthy Helen from Helen’s European Journey.

This was followed by another Dutch gig at Adventures in Expatland with the blogger with the big heart. She entertained us with Pansies Oh So Successfully Perked.

Safe on home soil saw me facing the questions again from the lovely Natalie at the top notch Turkish Travel Blog.

Last and certainly not least, my final interrogation was by Roving Jay on the Bodrum Peninsula Travel Guide. Jay pins me down with questions about Bodrum.

Thank you to one and all, for letting me loose on your blogs, for the Facebook posts and likes, stumbles, tweets, retweets and mentions. Your support is heart-warming. Thank you also to those who followed me around my virtual world. Now the fun really starts…

By the way, would you like to buy my book?

9781904881643-Perking the Pansies COVER.inddThe good people at the Book Depository will now deliver Perking the Pansies free of charge to about 120 countries and territories across the world from Australia and Andorra to Vanuatu and Vietnam. Isn’t that nice of them? Ironically, the free deal doesn’t cover Turkey.