It’s Red Nose Day and up and down the realm, normally sane citizens are indulging in a collective act of extreme silliness for Comic Relief, raising a bit of dosh for those in need both at home and away. Catch the nonsense on BBC1 tonight starting at 7pm (Brit time). Despite the distressing economic climate, people continue to be generous with their time and their cash. My old friend, David Harries, is doing something funny for money and needs a little support. Give him a helping hand and I guarantee you’ll feel all warm inside.
Lady Haha
To honour International Women’s Day (8th March), we plopped through the puddles on a blustery night to watch a quintet of female comics. The gals with gags strutted their stuff for the ‘Lady Haha’ show at the Playhouse, Norwich (a fab bar with a theatre attached). Generally, I’m not keen on stand up – a bit too hit and miss or too clever by half in my experience. I needn’t have worried. The acts – Grainne Maguire, Amy Howerska, Vikki Stone, Diane Spencer and headliner, Tiffany Stevenson – tickled my ribs with their bawdy take on feminism, racism, gingaphobia, relationships, dating, men, oversized willies and orgasms (or lack thereof). These funny ladies of the night are going places.
PS: I was a tad disappointed not to see Aisling Bea who was originally billed to appear, mainly because she sounds like a sickly insect.
PPS: Vikki Stone is a younger, filthier version of the superlative Victoria Wood and is quite a hit on You Tube. This is one of her lewd tunes. Best not watch if you’re easily offended.
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Happy Birthday, Pride Live!
Suddenly I find myself with a few radio gigs under my belt. What began as a couple of promotional guest spots to flog some books on the ‘Pride Live!’ Show on Future Radio, has somehow migrated into a regular turn as co-host. This radio caper isn’t as easy as it sounds. An awful lot goes into it – before and during. For my considerable sins, I just pitch up on the night with a few scribbled notes and witter on. My two favourite Norfolk broads, jivin’ Jules and delicious Di, do all the hard work assembling the show, twiddling the knobs, queuing the music and corralling the guests. The spontaneous multi-tasking is quite beyond me and best left to the dynamic duo. If I was left at the tiller, chaos would run amok and the ultimate radio faux pas – silence – would stalk the studio. Di Cunningham also presents the morning show. The worker bees of Norwich wake to a daily dose of fun and originality. I don’t know where she gets the energy and inspiration from. Di’s considerable talents have been recognised by no less than the BBC Academy’s College of Production. High praise, highly deserved.
It’s Pride Live’s 100th show this Monday (11th March) from 6.30pm (UK time). I’ll be at the mic with Jules, chipping in with my usual witless banter and we’ve got Brian Dowling and Michael Cashman on the bill to help us celebrate the milestone. If you fancy tuning in, click on the Future Radio logo above, bookmark the site and pop a reminder in your pocket book or fancy phone. If you miss the show live, you can catch the podcast.
In today’s stormy financial climate, community radio stations can operate on a wing and a prayer. This is a tenuous link to my video choice. Cue The Buggles:
Celebrate World Book Day
Today is World Book Day here in Blighty. One of the main aims of the event is to disconnect today’s cyber-mad yoof from their gadgets and gizmos and save them from irreparable damage to their imagination (i.e. anything beyond the visual). Pissing in the wind? I hope not. I’m an irrepressible optimist. So, my friends, support the cause by popping out to a bookshop and picking up the real deal in paper and card to have and to hold from this day forward. A bit short of the readies? No problem, join your local library. It costs nothing. Libraries can be exciting and surprising places these days. Gone are the days of stuffy shelves, dusty benches and bespectacled bookworms whose only words were “shush!” The best of the bunch are multi-media extravaganzas that stimulate all of the senses, none more so than Norwich’s Millennium Library at the Forum. For the sixth year running, this hi-viz high tech vortex of culture and learning has been named the most popular library in the realm, with over 1.3 million visitors passing through the doors each year. I knew it was quality the moment I found my own literary witterings in their catalogue. Naturally, I had to borrow the book to make sure. I won’t keep it for long. I know what happens in the end.
If Norwich is too far to trot, you’ll also find Perking the Pansies in the British Library, The National Library of Scotland, The City of Sydney Library, The Liverpool City Library (that’s Liverpool in New South Wales), The Stonnington Library, South Yarra, Australia and The Wellington Public Library in New Zealand.
Not bad for a debut book by a nobody who is neither a reality TV star nor a celebrity cook. I’m gobsmacked, as they say in the tabloids.
Postscript:
Today is also my old girl’s birthday. She’s 84. Happy birthday, Mum!
Amazon and the Tax Man
It’s great to see that the latest Amazon ad for the new Kindle Paperwhite is LGBT inclusive. Now all Amazon has to do is pay fair taxes in the countries in which it trades (oh, and not keep me waiting until I reach a threshold of sales from Amazon.com before sending me a cheque in dollars that I have to pay a fat fee to cash). After all, someone has to pay for the roads used by their delivery vans and the health and education of their employees. I could go on but you get my drift.
Gareth Thomas, Dancing on Ice Drama
Former Welsh international, Gareth Thomas, demonstrated that he’s just as nifty on ice as he is on the rugby field. The man mountain with more muscles than Atlas proved that big doesn’t mean clumsy as he lifted and glided with elegance and flair. It’s enough to make a boy go weak at the knees. Even though gorgeous Gareth had to drop out of the competition due to ill health, the boy from the Valleys did well, very well. Get well soon, Gareth.
Now the Welsh beefcake has hung up his sequins and skates, he’s got time to catch up on his reading. And guess what he’s reading?
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Nine to Five
Despite a head cold that had me supping on the gin and Lemsip, Liam managed to get me to Dolly Parton’s ‘9 to 5’ at the Theatre Royal, Norwich. Adapted from the 1980 movie comedy starring Dolly, Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda, ‘9 to 5’ is a high-energy musical farce about three overworked and overlooked female office workers exacting delicious revenge on their lazy, lecherous, sexist, misogynistic boss. We had terrific seats for a terrific show with some terrific tunes and terrific lines (“You’re just a typewriter with tits.”). Amy Lennox* was uncanny in the Dolly role. If you closed your eyes, you’d think it was the chesty chanteuse on stage. Natalie Casey as Jane Fonda was superb with sharp comic timing and a tremendous voice. Slightly more disappointing was Jackie Clune in the Lily Tomlin part; a few more dance lessons might help. Veteran trouper, Bonnie Langford, almost stole the show in her supporting role as the boss’s fawning assistant. Bonnie can throw her legs higher and wider than anyone I’ve ever seen on stage, screen or porn flick. The gorgeous Dolly has quite a following among the gay fraternity and the audience was liberally sprinkled with fairy dust, including the man next to me whose shocking hair don’t would have him run out of Soho. Dolly herself appeared as narrator on a large clock-faced screen above the stage. Saying “thank you” to Norwich was a nice touch and Dolly brought the house down when she launched into the familiar ‘9 to 5’ theme at the end.
*We saw the talented Amy Lennox in ‘Soho Cinders’ last summer and she was superb in that too.
Plumber’s Bum
In their utilitarian wisdom, the local water company decided to replace our meter. Apparently, the old device was knackered and belonged in the Science Museum (along with what’s left of British manufacturing). A couple of big lads turned up in fetching hi viz vests and butch safety helmets (it takes a real man to carry off yellow with style). After a bit of bump and grind, the meter was replaced in a thrice. Off they trotted, job done. I fancied a cuppa and went to the tap to fill the kettle. Up went the lever, down came the trickle. I’ve commented on our lacklustre sprinkle before but this was beyond ridiculous – more no-flow than low-flow. A quick bell to Anglian Water and, following a brief conversation about the whereabouts of my stop-cock (no idea), an emergency plumber was dispatched to my rescue. Oh God, I thought. It’ll be days of whore’s wipes, takeaways and pre-programmed poos before my stop-cock gets a good seeing to. But, no. A hour later, a handsome chappy in cargo pants turned up with wrench it hand. “Where’s your stop-cock?” he asked. “No idea,” I replied. He searched high and low and discovered the mechanism lurking behind the washing machine. As he knelt down to inspect my crevice, he flashed his own little crack. It was crowned with a tiny tuft of wispy hair. I stifled a wolf-whistle. A firm twist of the wrist and whoosh, the source of life gushed forth. Most satisfying. So, we now have sufficient water pressure to run a small hydro-electric dam. It never rains but it pours.
Hyde Park on Hudson
Another free ticket for Cinema City and another viewing: ‘Hyde Park on Hudson.’ We were enticed by the promising trailer, but I’m afraid the trailer contained all the best bits. Given the context – the first official visit of a British monarch to the USA, desperately trying to drum up American support on the eve of World War Two – and the salacious depiction of President Roosevelt as a serial philanderer with a First Lady who liked to lick the lettuce, the movie was disappointingly flat. The narrative was plodding and the dialogue lacked depth. Laura Linney put in a fine performance as ‘Daisy,’ the President’s distant cousin and reluctant paramour, Bill Murray as Roosevelt did his best with an average script and Samuel West made a suitably terrified King George VI. But ‘The King’s Speech,’ this ain’t.
People Shaped Travel
Expedia, the giant American online travel company, is the latest corporation to step up to the plate in support of same-sex marriage in the States by commissioning a short promo video called ‘Find Your Understanding.’ When it was released, the video caused quite a stir across the pond with the religious right getting their bible belts in a twist. Say what you will about big business gate-crashing the equalities party and cashing in on the pink economy, but the more the merrier I say. It all helps the cause. I can’t help wondering though, where does Expedia stand on dispatching its customers to those far-flung places across the globe with abysmal records on human rights (including those where being opening gay can be extremely detrimental to your health)? Fancy a souk-fest in Saudi or a gorilla safari in Uganda? Book through Expedia for ‘people shaped travel.’ I can taste the hypocrisy.
Perking the Pansies 