Naturally I tweet. Doesn’t everyone these days? Facebook and Twitter are the gruesome twosome of social media – the top of the pops. Got nothing interesting to say? Say it loudly and often on the tweety thing and faceache. For reasons unknown, I’m popular with tweeting Turks. I usually follow back even though I haven’t a clue what they’re tweeting about. It’s the polite thing to do. Distressingly, my popularity can be short lived and some of my new admirers quickly unfollow me, presumably after realising I am what I am. That’s not the polite thing to do. I unfollow in revenge, punishing them with my mouse. ‘Take that!’ I click. Disturbingly, I also seem to attract young Turkish men – really young. Obviously, I don’t follow them back. Youngsters really aren’t my thing and I don’t want to stand accused of grooming. It’s a funny old world.