Category: Internet

A Day in the Life

I’m supposed to be resting, putting my feet up and watching the pansies grow. Instead I’ve jumped onto a blogging and writing treadmill. It’s taken me by surprise. I had no idea this would happen when we left Blighty. My mornings are spent doing what I call my admin – checking my emails, approving comments, deleting spam and catching up on the weird and wonderful blogs I’ve come across in my new vocation. My personal favourites are listed under Jack’s Favourites – take a look at the side bar. My admin takes a couple of hours each day. I have to be ruthlessly single-minded, otherwise I’d be overwhelmed. Liam says I’ve turned into a geek. Just like the bad old days, when I returned from holiday to hundreds of emails that took days to clear. My major irritant is the number of spam emails I get, urging me to buy slimming pills or viagra. These days I may no longer have a 26 inch waist and my tackle may take a little longer to fire up, but for the record, I am neither fat nor impotent (important yes, impotent, no).

I’m really grateful that people take the time to say a word or two about what I have written. I do get the occasional strange message, nothing offensive, just odd. I don’t mind at all. It adds to the rich tapestry of life in pansyland. Thank you to one and all.

I tend to dedicate a couple of afternoons a week to my posts and write three or four at a time. If I didn’t block write in this way, Liam and I wouldn’t have a life and I’d have nothing to write about. My summer is being spent finishing my book (have I mentioned I’m writing a book?) which is curtailing our social activities a little. Not too much though, we’re determined to enjoy our balmy days in the sun.

Liam is my greatest fan and fiercest critic. He cracks the whip and damns my sloppy words, but lavishes praise when I get it right. He’s also a domestic marvel, keeping me fed and watered and doing most of the daily chores (in Liam’s world, that’s sweeping the dust under the rugs). I do the laundry and stack the dishwasher, both of which, of course, require greater skill.

Is my new career worth it? You bet it is.

Don’t forget to nominate me in the Cosmo Blog Awards. Only if you feel like it, of course. See the oversized badge on the sidebar.

You might also like Perking the Pansies, the Book.

Are You Up For It?

Now that the season is in full swing we’re receiving messages from across the World through Gaydar. Gaydar is a rare British internet success story – a social networking site with global reach. The site is banned here in Turkey but, of course, there are easy ways to circumvent this. We’re asked about Bodrum life with the occasional implied offers of comfort. I’m flattered that some people out there still think there’s life in these old dogs. However, I’m mightily relieved that I’ve locked away my stall. I’m happy at home.

I have prepared a stock response which I cut and paste into a reply. It goes:

Hi there,

There aren’t any gay bars as such at the moment. It hardly matters as Bodrum is a laid back, gay friendly kind of place, and you will be made to feel welcome wherever you go. We live in the heart of town and I assume the people around us have got our number. We never get any bad attitude. So enjoy.

We rarely hear from the enquirers again.

Internet Censorship in Turkey

Eurovision Song-fest fever has subsided and I need to get over Blue’s so so showing. My playful poll asking readers to vote for the least worst song of their choice was a dismal flop. Ironically, hits to Perking the Pansies went through the roof and I had my best day ever. I suspect few of the newcomers will return but I may have picked up some new pansy fans along the way.

I’m constantly amazed at the power of the internet as a means of communication. This is liberating for most but subversive to some.  I’ve read that the Turkish Government plans to compel all internet users to access the web through state controlled portals. The Government claims this will protect children from inappropriate sites. Others declare this is an attack on personal freedom because their internet usage can be monitored. Paranoia is fuelled by the Government’s reluctance to open up the list of banned sites to independent scrutiny.

No one would disagree that children should be protected. However, I have always thought this to be the job of parents. Relatively few Turkish children have direct and unrestricted access to computers. They are just beyond the reach of most. A more effective and less draconian strategy would be to offer parental control software free of charge or provide simple advice about how this can be managed through search engine restrictions.

A genuine attempt by the State to protect the young or insidious censorship, China-style? The proof of the pudding, as they say…

My Manx Kitten

I’d like to extend a big hand to Sally, my little Manx kitten whose voracious consumption of Perking the Pansies has single-handedly rocketed my hits into orbit. Thank you!

Other readers with certain minority interests may have been more disappointed, particularly those searching for:

  • Bingo wings birds
  • Old scrubbers
  • Gumbet love rats
  • Gobbler travels (porn)
  • Find a madam
  • Istanbul gay sauna
  • Izmir gay rent boy
  • Can pansies survive in the house temporarily?
  • Porno pansies
  • Gay gay calis
  • Lesbian politics of Britain 2011
  • Bodrum rent boys
  • Middle class rent boy

There’s a worrying trend developing here. For the record, Liam and I know absolutely nothing about rent boys, though I was tempted (but only tempted) to be one when I was young and wanted. These days I can’t give it away and Liam only obliges me out of duty.

From London to Bodrum

Young Yankee Erin from BlogExpat.com contacted me recently to ask if I would be willing to take part in a series of interviews she was doing with a number of expats living in different countries across the world. How could I refuse especially as the fabulous Erin describes me as “…an excellent writer with fabulous English humor”? You can read what I had to say about living in Turkey here.

Erin is an expat herself – an American living in Berlin with her husband. They have their own blog called Back to Berlin and Beyond. It’s a fun read but there’s not much fun in trying to read it in Turkey without a proxy server as it’s caught up in the ridiculous blanket ban on Google-hosted blogs.

Jack Scott, Writer

To celebrate my fifteen minutes of infamy, I’ve created a promotional website for Jack Scott, Writer. Who knows someone might fall for it and actually pay me for my ramblings. Read it and weep.

The Word on the Street

Thank you to those who voted in my playful poll about proxy servers. Here are the results of the Perking the Pansies jury:

31% – Yes I use a proxy server in Turkey

28% – No I don’t use a proxy server

10% – I’ve no idea what you’re taking about!

31% – I don’t live in Turkey

For anyone interested, the way to access a proxy server is to sign up to a ‘Virtual Private Network’ (VPN). This handy service provides a gateway to British terrestrial TV and also circumvents internet restrictions by the Turkish authorities. We use my-private-network.co.uk. The service was easy to set up and costs about a fiver a month. This allows us to stream live TV and watch catch up services on our laptop. We also installed the BBC iPlayer to download BBC programmes to watch at our leisure. For an altogether better viewing experience, we connect the laptop to our TV and sound system.

The Downside

The process can be frustrating and unsatisfying. Live streaming and catch up needs a good internet speed. Ours is up and down like whore’s drawers. A variable picture quality, broadcasts that freeze then jump forward and endless buffering can irritatingly interrupt our  enjoyment. Downloading programmes using the iPlayer works really well as it saves a temporary copy on our computer but, of course, only applies to BBC broadcasts.

One Out, All Out

The internet police have been at it again in the continuing war between Google and Digiturk. As from the 1st of March Google Blogger in its entirety was banned in Turkey. The draconian censors are indifferent to the effect on millions of blogs, many of them small businesses trying to earn an honest crust in challenging times. Digiturk is acting like an overbearing corporate bully and Google just doesn’t give a toss about anything other the bottom line. There’s no profit in blogging as it’s a free service so why cause a fuss? The core of the dispute is infringement of broadcasting rights. This is laughable when you think that Turkey is flooded by counterfeit goods. Fancy a bootleg copy of the ‘King’s Speech’? No problem.

It’s relatively easy to get round the ban with a proxy server, an application that lets us pick up British TV. Please take a split second to complete the poll below. Don’t worry, you can’t be identified!

Gaygle It

Last December Perking the Pansies was permanently blocked by the Turkish internet police. I threw a hissy fit at the prospect of a firm hand on my door knob, a frisk by a frisky conscript and instant deportation. It all turned out to be a storm in a çay cup. My inconsequential contribution to the blogosphere was simply caught by lazy censorship that uses a scatter gun approach to punish the innocent and the guilty alike. Perking the Pansies became, as the Americans say, ‘collateral damage‘. I had to abandon my old site hosted by Google and move lock, stock and barrel to WordPress. A couple of days ago I noticed that the page hits on my new site overtook those of the old for the first time. Nowadays I need only the slightest excuse to make merry so I raised a glass in thanks.

I’m endlessly fascinated and bemused by the search terms that bring some surfers to my website. I’ve already mentioned ‘Yalikavak Sex’  and ‘Gay Hairy Turkish Men’ but there is also:

  • Porn Torkish
  • Gumbet porno
  • Turk Gay Sitesi
  • Thermal Bloomers
  • Sex Sitesi
  • Gay Calis Beach
  • Middleaged Sexpats
  • Gundogan Gay
  • Lyrics to I’m as Gay as a Daisy

A definitive gay guide to Turkey for the curious traveller seeking a little relief in the sun is sorely needed. Sadly it would be a thin digest and probably banned.

Yalikavak Sex

Video Nasty

I completely lost Liam to an afternoon musical matinee, the delightful feel good little number called Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street – a video nasty with nice tunes. Not my cup of çay at all. While he was gripped by the melodious gore, I spent my barren time studying my blog stats. Perking the Pansies has finally penetrated the Dark Continent and I seem to have acquired an avid fan in Costa Rica. Twinkle, twinkle little red star, how I wonder who you are.

I was mystified by someone out there searching for Yalikavak Sex which inexplicably returned my saintly, strictly sexless site. Copulation in vacant Yalıkavak in a chilly, wet February? That would be a triumph of hope over experience. Like the deserted village, I won’t be putting my stall out again until April.

Irresistable Bubble Gum

We spent the evening watching the first series of Glee. As a strange hybrid of Fame and High School Musical with a wafer thin bubble gum plot and hammy acting, I was determined to loathe it. I sat through the lot. Liam was utterly bewitched by a magnificent rendition of Funny Girl by Idina Menzel. ‘So much better than batty Barbra’s original,’ he gushed. We really need to get out more.