The Punkawallah and the Pansies

punka_wallahObsessing about the weather is a national pastime for the Brits. I guess I’m no different from my compatriots. I railed against the wind, cold and winter monsoons in February. I’m now wilting in sizzling summer and the varnish is peeling off the window sills. So far our search for a cooling solution has been fruitless. I’m touched by the concern of others towards our plight and the ingenious suggestions to douse the heat (of the wrong kin) in our bed.

  • Carole suggests an industrial fan – comes with a built in facelift as a by-product which is well worth thinking about.
  • Deborah suggests sticking our feet in a bowl of iced water – a method of torture favoured by the KGB.
  • Karyn suggests sleeping outside which would be like trying to catnap on the hard shoulder of the M25.
  • Alan suggests a dehumidifier – more bloody lira down the pan
  • Linda suggests wrapping a freezer pack in a tea towel and applying it our hot bits – get your mind out of the gutter.
  • Kym suggests retiring at night in wet socks – guaranteed to dampen our ardour and rot the mattress.
  • Hana suggests getting down to Arçelik and reviewing the problem with someone who knows what they’re taking about – what in Turkey?
  • As a last resort, Karyn suggests using child labour to fan us with ostrich feathers – How very British Raj and a practice likely to court the attention of the local Jandarma.

All is not lost. We’ve hit on an idea that might bring relief. Inşallah.

10 thoughts on “The Punkawallah and the Pansies

  1. You could always buy an ocillating electric fan to keep you cool. When all else fails, it does work… as the saying goes “bin dere ‘n dun dat”.

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  2. From previous Naval experience, I can recommend a vacation to South Georgia for the summer months – now there’s a place where the Pansies don’t grow !!

    John

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  3. Jack, this is a bit scary! I was walking our dog this morning, thinking about a topic for my blog, and the words “They say that the Brits always talk about the weather, but the Spanish are just as bad” came into my mind. Good, I thought, that’s what I´ll talk about. I sit down at the PC, start reading your post and the first words are “Obsessing about the weather….” Not only that, but the dog lying down in the photo looks remarkably like our dog Lisa! Great post, by the way…….

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  4. Well seaman John. With only Liam and penguins for company it would give the time and space to finish the book. A long way to corner shop, though, when I run out of fags.

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  5. if serious suggestions are permitted, try this; take a cooling shower and go to bed wet, without any intentions, good or otherwise – let the ostrich feather fans do their cooling best. Usually buys enough time to get some shut eye. Follow up with water (or whatever) from a spray bottle – refreshing, soothing or stimulating depending on accuracy of squirt!

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  6. Put a sheet (wrapped in a plastic bag) into the freezer. When ready for bed take out sheet and cover yourselves in its chilly embrace. Doesn’t last for ever, but might be long enough to get to sleep. I have resorted to this method during heat waves here. Doesn’t look like I’ll be needing it this ‘summer’!

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