Blimey. Perking the Pansies has made the long list of 10 for the prestigious Polari First Book Prize. I popped along to the Polari Literary Salon at the Royal Festival Hall to catch the broadcast. I sat at the back with my eyes firmly shut, a nasty stirring in my stomach and fingers crossed so tight they developed rigor mortis. In my pretty days I might have offered to sleep with one or two of the judges to increase my chances. Now I’ve reached my midriff years, this strategy would attract pity not punters. The colour slowly drained from my face as the successful titles were read out one by one by top-hatted MC, Paul Burston. I was held at the edge of my seat right to the bitter end. My book was the last on the list. Will I make the short list? Can my ancient heart take it? Find out in September.