I was minding my own business supping my morning brew when Tariq the Toothless Caretaker appeared with mail in hand. He hurdled enthusiastically onto the patio, delivered a masterful, rib-crushing bear hug, raised me up with indecent ease with his huge, rough shovel hands and twirled me around like a floppy rag doll. I had not the strength to resist. Methinks he likes me. A much amused Liam gave Tariq a round of applause and a fag for his commanding performance. How they laughed as I withdrew to my boudoir to check for bruises.