Category: Blogging

2013 in Review

Perking the Pansies recovered from a difficult birth at the murderous hands of the Turkish censors, thrived through the terrible twos and survived the transitional threes, ending the year with 60,000 hits for the last twelve months. Thank you to everyone and anyone who’s passed by and glanced at my random witterings. Most blogs burn out after two years so I must be living on borrowed time.

As the sun sets on 2013, in the best Hogmanay tradition, I give you the year’s top ten – a pick ‘n’mix treat of bum cleavage, Turks at the barricades, a shot in the arm, a tender coming out story, a sexy rugger bugger, a book to send you to sleep, an old-time boozer, an olive tree planted in a foreign field and a scratched itch.

Image courtesy of Occupy Gezi on Facebook.
One for the Ladies
The Art of Blogging at St Margaret’s Church of Art
Gareth Thomas likes Good Read
Best of Perking the Pansies Vol Two
Queen’s Head, Chelsea
Tulip Fields of Turkey
Image Courtesy of the Financial Times
Tom’s Posing Pouch

Plumber’s Bum

It was the picture wot won it.

Turkey Troubles

A revolution in the making?

Tom Daley: Something I Want to Say

Saying it before someone said it for him.

Gareth Thomas, Dancing on Ice Drama

Who said ice-prancing rugger buggers can’t read?

Life in the Old Blog Yet

With thanks to the nice people at WordPress who featured me on one of their big hitting sites.

Turkey, Surviving the Expats – Out Now!

Keeping me out the workhouse.

God Save the Queen’s Head

A Chelsea classic and old watering hole of mine.

From Little Acorns...

A small corner of Turkey that is forever John.

Seven Year Itch

A soppy tale from Liam.

Turkey, Who Will Blink First?

And we all know who did in the end, don’t we?

For some inexplicable reason, this was the most popular image of 2013, featured in Let’s Hear it for the Brides.

Nine Elms
The Thames at Nine Elms

And I shouldn’t forget the perennial favourites from previous years that keep coming back again and again like a bad case of thrush.

Gran Canaria Sex Emporium

Proving that ‘sex’ really is the most searched for word on Google.

Now That’s What I Call Old

A humble little post about a spectacular discovery in eastern Turkey that just keeps on giving while the archaeologists keep on digging  – 8,000 hits and climbing. Who would have thought?

Expat Glossary

Oft quoted and oft plagiarised (and not always with a credit, tut tut)

Goodbye to the Turkish Living Forum

The few spoiling it for the many. A real shame.

Turkey Street RecliningAnd what of 2014? All I know is that Turkey Street, Jack and Liam move to Bodrum will be out early in the year. Will it be as successful as the first one? Who knows? Not me. Whatever happens, come rain or shine, a happy and prosperous year to all my pansy fans. Thank you for staying the course and for your remarkable support. I’m touched but then, I have been for years.

Schmooze It or Loose It

jack-the-hack-_writingtipsJack’s last word on blogging at the Displaced Nation.

FACT: most blogs run out of steam after two years. So, giving your blog legs will keep it in the race for longer. Here’s how.

More…

The Yellow Brick Road

jack-the-hack-_writingtipsThe blogging gospel according to St Jack, Chapter Two…

Posts can be written in batches and scheduled to be published over time. Try to post at least once a week, though. It’s good for what’s called search engine optimisation (SEO). Don’t be spooked by this. This is just how Internet search engines index and rank your site— it’s all done in the background. Over time, posting regularly will push up your assets better than a Playtex 18-hour girdle.

More…

Old Posts Never Die

tamponsReaders of Perking the Pansies tell me that I’ve laid down some vintage posts in my time. They very kindly don’t mention the dross. Search engines and their secret algorithms have also been generous and thankfully, the blog is up there in the rankings. Still, it was a surprise when I received an out-of-the-blue comment from Rhona who stumbled across a guest post from August 2011 called Turks and Tampons. Rhona was having a periodic Turkish crisis and wrote:

Jack, I thought you might be amused by the fact that I found your blog via this post. I was on my first trip to Turkey (Gulluk) with my daughters when without going into detail we found ourselves in need of tampons…..problem! I googled ‘tampons in Turkey’ and there you were lol. But there also was this: tamponcrafts. Enjoy!

I certainly did enjoy a deep trawl through the wonder that is Tampon Crafts – a thousand and one things to do with Lil-Lets. Who knew that Tampax Pearls was so versatile? As Christmas is coming up, I’ve got Liam knocking up a nativity scene for the mantle piece. The Baby Jesus has never looked so absorbent.

Thou Shalt Blog

Thou Shalt Blog

jack-the-hack-_writingtipsRead the blogging gospel according to St Jack, chapter one, on Displaced Nation.

Those who regularly dip into Jack the Hack will know that I’m a passionate advocate of blogging—for fun and for glory. With a little effort and imagination, you really can make the Web work for you, and blogging is a very good place to start (cue Julie Andrews, the old Dame who tragically lost her fabulous soprano timbre). Still not convinced? Then let’s start at the very beginning…

More…

Jack’s Cottage Industry

Author2author (851 x 315)It’s a funny old world. Almost by accident, I seem to have started a little cottage industry. Anything to keep me off the streets (and the wolves from my door). Over the years, I’ve learned a thing or two about this blogging and internet malarky and people have often asked for my help (and I’m happy to oblige – what goes around, comes around). So, I thought there might just be a little brass in it. I now offer a web design, blogging and social media service to authors (or anyone else for that matter) and I’ve already garnered a few quality punters attracted to my quality offer. I’m cheap but I’m good (well, I would say that, wouldn’t I?).

All_Books

Here’s the hard sell:

“These days, authors are expected to do a lot more to market their books. This means developing a strong online presence, an appealing author site to draw in the crowds and regular engagement with potential readers through blogging and social networking. Not everyone has the time, the inclination or the skill to set the wheels in motion. Author Jack Scott has been there, done that and built up an impressive social network to promote his own books. Let Jack take the worry out of the web. He can build a fully integrated website, blog, Facebook page and Twitter page for you. He can even produce a short book trailer to add a little Hollywood sparkle to your words. All Jack’s packages are offered at an affordable fixed price and the more you buy, the more you save.”

Apple GidleyIn the best Blue Peter tradition, click on the apple to see something I prepared earlier. And, since I now offer book trailers, I thought it was high time I updated the trailer for my first book, Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey.

Check out my all-new author2author website and Facebook Page (a few extra likes would be appreciated). If you know someone who would like a little help, send them my way. I thank you.

Life in the Old Blog Yet

Life in the Old Blog Yet

Art of BloggingThese days, I think I know a thing or two about this blogging lark but when I started in 2010, I hadn’t a clue. I learned the trade the hard way, through trial and error. It was a trial and there were loads of errors. Mine was a solitary journey. I did quite well for a while, a bit of a sell-out tour. But when Liam and I packed up our drag in our old kit bags and paddled back to Blighty, I feared that Perking the Pansies might wither on the vine like some dried-up old fruit. I soldiered on, deliberately posting less but still regularly. Much to my relief, the blog’s gone from strength to strength and I have more subscribers than ever. Now the sum of my knowledge (or lack of it) is about to be put to the acid test. I’m running a Pride without Prejudice workshop called The Art of Blogging as part of the marvellous Norwich Pride Festival. I’m about to put my money where my mouth is. But will I fall flat on my face? Help.

Test Card and Tapas

Test Card and Tapas

Liam and I are taking a welcome break: a week or so in the stroller’s city of Palma de Mallorca. I intend to leave the hinterweb alone for the duration, soak up the shade and take in the vibe. We’ve bagged ourselves a bijou boutique hotel overlooking the smart marina and spitting distance from the posh shops and fancy bars. Why Spain? It needs all the help it can get. Had we known what was about to go down in our former foster home when we booked our Iberian getaway, we would be Turkey-bound instead. Too late now, unfortunately. I’ll be reporting on our island misadventures when we return (assuming there are any to report). In the meantime, Perking the Pansies will be off the air. No need to fret. It’s June. We all need to get out more.

Mallorca, Catedral de Mallorca

Spamalot

Pay Day LoansGenerally, I enjoy this blogging malarkey. I’m little troubled by the cyber-trolls and infobahn ne’er do wells. But, one tedious aspect of blogging is the endless stream of spam attacks – over 34,000 so far. If only I got that amount of genuine interest. Most get picked up by WordPress’ spam filter but a few still sneak through. I receive an eclectic range of spam – the collective weaknesses, desires, vices and foibles of humanity are laid bare in Latin, Cyrillic, Arabic and Chinese (and probably in Runic if I bothered to decipher) mixed in with the endless machine-generated auto-babble. I could develop RSI just from the repetitive deletes. Since our return to Blighty, I’ve noticed an alarming increase in the number of dodgy comments from pay day loan companies (parasites, actually). These micro loans are designed to lure the financially embarrassed as they struggle from one wage to the next. Shooting ducks spring to mind. There’s a recession on. Some people are short of the readies and easily seduced. I looked up one of the more well-known lenders who advertise on the box. Their ‘representative APR’ is 2414%. Yes, you read right – two thousand, four hundred and fourteen per cent. I hear the ConDems intend to cap the rates these lenders charge – this year, next year, sometime never. These smiley cyber-sharks in sharp suits don’t need to send in the heavies to bully the desperate. They can afford to drop a few pounds and a couple of percent and still be quids in.

Displaced Jack

Displaced Jack

The fine people at Displaced Nation have asked to me to write for them. My new gig is a monthly column about writing. God knows why they think I have anything particularly useful or original to say about this subject (or any other) but I’ll give it a go and hope I don’t run out of things to say.  So, ladies and gents, I give you my inaugural piece…

jack-the-hack-_writingtipsYou’re thinking about writing a travelogue or memoir. Should you start with a blog?

When Liam and I first flogged off the family silver, jumped the good ship Blighty and waded ashore to Turkey, we planned to put our feet up and watch the pansies grow. Twelve months into the dream, we began to feel, well, a little bored. It was a benign type of boredom — not the terminal kind that leads to low self-esteem, heavy drinking, chocolate binges and serial infidelity. More…