During the cold, mould season, a viral fungus spread like the Black Death in the dank corners of our stone house. I blame this year’s unseasonal cold snap. We relaxed our rigorous ventilation routine in a vain attempt to keep the frost bite at bay. The external wall of our shower room sweated like a shallow waterfall in slow motion and nasty black spores infested every nook and cranny, crack and crevice. Cutting edge building technology like the humble air brick has yet to catch on in Turkey. At this time of year most houses are transformed into damp bunkers. Liam hit back with domestos-scented water cannon. He also told me to stop breathing.