Rum, Bum and the Navy

God Bless Her and All Who Sail in Her

We were invited by the Honorary British Consul to cocktails with the captain aboard HMS Cumberland while it was in port in Bodrum. I sponged down my sailor boy outfit and rehearsed the steps to the Village People’s ‘In the Navy’ while Liam spent all weekend running up a skimpy black thong on his Singer. He intended to amuse the plucky tars by his lip synching rendition of Cher’s ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’, legs astride a gun barrel. He reckoned they deserved a little light entertainment after an arduous tour of duty chasing savvy Somalian corsairs across the Indian Ocean. We hoped to see the cut of the Captain’s jib and a reccy around his engine room to survey the magnificent greased pistons. Liam had a mouthful of pins to hem the lacy loincloth when we received word that the rum punch was off. No frigging in the rigging on the frigate for us. I assume our brave boys are steaming at full speed towards Libya to help evacuate foreign nationals in the event that mad Gaddafi decides carry out his deadly threat to torch the place and murder his own citizens. What a party pooper.

Watch ‘In the Navy‘ by the Village People.

8 thoughts on “Rum, Bum and the Navy

  1. You funny thing. I don’t drink but I feel the fizz and effervescence of whatever you’re downing as I read you. Dizzy yet not at all diminished in your silly, camp lampooning Englishman abroad. It’s as if I’ve taken a tumble through the closet (wardrobe) into a parallel Nancy world (Narnia). Living in Grey Britain I so need of the escapism. Thank you Mr Scott. Ismail x

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  2. Jack,
    Sorry you were both disappointed in not being able to go aboard the Cumberland. During last summer, we were invited to the same bash aboard HMS Chatham when she visited Bodrum, on her way back to UK which was somewhat of a busman’s holiday for me as I only left the RN in 2004 after 36 years service !! So if you need any insights about future visits !! One little gem I can disclose is the nickname of HMS Cumberland – “The Mighty Sausage”. I will say no more.
    John

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