in Blogging, LGBT, Shopping 483 Words

Anally Retentive

As Perking the Pansies has been going for a couple of years, the blog is no longer seen as a here-today-gone-tomorrow flash in the internet pan. This credibility helps with Google rankings but also attracts dubious offers from a posse of anonymous advertisers trying to promote products on the cheap. Cue the latest offer to drop on my virtual mat…

“Hi there – I’m emailing because I’d like to send you a free product to review on your website. First, I’ll tell you we make pleasure devices for men – yes – sex toys. I realize your website is not exactly in the “sex” niche, but your site is geared towards men who have all of the equipment needed to use our products. I saw your site and thought that although it is in a different niche, you may be able to include a review of one of our Mangasm prostate simulators as a bit of a change from your normal content. We also make a product called the Autoblow and are coming out with a new version soon. Anyone who posts a Mangasm review would be included on a list (only if they wish) to receive a free Autoblow when it comes out, for review purposes, of course.”

*I assume the writer meant prostate stimulator, not simulator. My mind boggles at the latter (and, I suspect, many other minds boggle at the former). 

A bit of a change from my normal content? I’ll say. This less than tempting offer fails on two main levels. Firstly, most of my readers are the fairer (and fairer) sex. With the best will in the world, ladies will never know the pleasure of a stimulated prostate or a blow job – auto or otherwise. Secondly, when I bang my gay drum,  it’s not about gay banging. This is a family show, after all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude (how could I be?) and I’ve nothing against clever little plug in plug-ins to satisfy the lonely or to spice up the matrimonial bed. Whatever pops your cork, I say. But what if Liam and I did take one of these handy little appliances for a spin? What would we do with it afterwards? Hose it down, drop it in a jiffy bag and pop it back in the post? One slip of the finger and we’d be buggered. 

I’ve always said that God has a wicked sense of humour. When he placed a prostate up a man’s bottom, he knew exactly what he was doing. It’s all a bit of a bummer and something’s that caused no end of trouble ever since the Creation. Think on, ladies. Christmas is just around the corner. Why not treat the hubby to a pulsating prostate rub? It’s not just for the ‘gays.’ And It just might put a pep in his step.

26 thoughts on “Anally Retentive”

  4. I’m often amazed and sometimes shocked at the “offers” I get in my spam box and email junk box. But they do make me laugh…as this one did 🙂 All part of the joys of blogging x

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  6. I don’t think I’d have learnt that fact anywhere else. (I got an email offering similar “toys”. Can’t think on my blog what suggested that I might be a good advert)

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  10. . . forget the end-user jack – give a moments thought to the mind of the inventor!! And I once thought that packaging engineers were the bee’s knees.

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  11. Sooooo. You’ve done the plug in a sneaky and underhand way by pretending to dismiss it as a failed pitch, while at the same time making sure all pertinent info is available to the discerning reader. Are you gonna reveal all after the test-drive then?

    Depraved, yet ingenious indeed you are, hun. But then we always knew that really x

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