The final leg of our budget trip was four nights at Pontin’s, Pakefield – seventy quid each, half board. Both Liam and I are well-acquainted with the holiday camp experience from our proletarian childhoods and, more recently, from my mother’s 80th birthday bash at Butlin’s. Whereas Butlin’s has raised its game to compete with the costas, Pontin’s has remained faithful to its Hi-Di-Hi roots. There have been some concessions to the modern era – our bunker in Pirouette Park came with hot water and electricity – but the rest of the offer was distinctly old hat. Accommodation came in terraced rows of jerry-built chalets reminiscent of a prisoner of war camp or a sleazy middle America motel. We felt like fugitives on the run from the Feds. Higgledy-piggledy pebble-dashed facilities were battered and tattered. Canteen times were fixed and uncompromising. Food was hearty rather than wholesome with a strong whiff of time-honoured old school dinners. There was a floppy salad bar and a sign warning the punters that “these trays may contain traces of food.” Or was that nuts? We avoided the healthy option and headed straight for the stodge slopped up onto mini plates by fiercesome-looking dinner ladies. On day two, I was unceremoniously ram-raided by a blue rinse armed with a killer Zimmer trying to get to the jelly before anyone else. In the interests of personal safety, we didn’t dare go for seconds. Oh, happy days.
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Perking the Pansies 
How wonderful! Still true to the holiday camp ethos… How terribly English! Oh, I could just eat a plateful of good old English stooge, like my grandma used to cook! Yes, why are dinner ladies so scary?
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Stodge, not stooge!!! Was that a Freudian slip showing, or something?
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Probably. I felt like a stooge tucking into the stodge. We’re on diet rations now!
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That’s funny! When I was young, I used to like everything wallowing in custard, the thicker the better!! (Haven’t eaten custard in years, come to think of it…)
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Love custard. Liam kept Bird’s instant powder in the larder in Bodrum for those craving moments.
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I am going to buy some when we come over to “Blighty” in September! Must put it on my list!
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What no pea soup? Takes me back to when I was about 11 years old, ha ha.
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No pea soup but we did have tomato. Well, we think it was. It was hard to be sure!
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The original “all-inclusive”
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Not quite exclusive all-inclusive! 😉
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Lol! Loved this post. you must have a had a good time in having a bad time – if that makes sense. You’ll end up with happy memories of this. 😉 Glad to see Pontins sticking to its roots.
Julia
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Nail on the head, Julia. I see humour in everything. It’s what keeps me sane!
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I can confirm your love of custard Jack, the apple crumble and custard dolled out last winter vanished in seconds! x
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Your custard alone is worth the trip over for 🙂
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Apple crumble and custard! Rhubarb crumble and custard!! Oh my… I must get me some! I know I’m going to put on weight in England. Bangers and mash!!
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. . back then it was all austerity and ration cards – getting the same again – these places will be there waiting, including lagerfuhrers!
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We’d all be a lot healthier!
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Careful Jack, i hear Visitbritain has a contract out on you…… are you trying to chase all the tourists to Turkey?
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More, to come. I’ll have to go into hiding!
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The one and only time I ever went to Pontins was with my grandparents when I was 14. I must admit I had a great time, but we are talking 31 years ago so I appreciate times have changed!!!
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It’s still kinda fun in it’s old fashioned way. You just have to go with the flow!
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