Alan’s daughter Samantha was holidaying on Rhodes so he and Charlotte decided to join her for a few days. They offered us unlimited access to their wine cellar and use of their plunge pool in return for cat feeding duties. We accepted without hesitation. Like the Raj of old we headed for the hills to escape the Bodrum heat. We spent a romantic and restful three nights in their luxuriant but unpretentious home overlooking Yalıkavak in the company of various soporific felines and their assorted multi-coloured offspring. The breezy calm was only occasionally interrupted by the call to prayer and the municipal public address system informing the townsfolk of local events, planned power cuts, road closures and the like. It’s a cross between 1984 and Hi-De-Hi. Liam was in frisky, horizontal mood as we lazied around the pool. He whispered to me

I’m ready for my blow job, Mr De Mille.