I am bored rattling around our big house on my own. I know I’m an old scrubber but there’s only so much scrubbing even I can do. Anyway, I can’t get down on knees like I used to. Well, getting down is a doddle but getting back up requires the assistance of two strong lads. I am considering getting a little Turk in to dust down my knick-knacks and clean out my drawers.

Neighbourly Clement invited me to a spot of lunch to relieve me of my solitary confinement. He’s all angst and ringing of hands at the moment because his dream retirement bungalow in the hills is delayed by a plague of minor technical hitches (no windows or roof).