Warts and All

WitchI noticed a little growth on my head beneath my slowly receding hairline. An ugly little lumpy bump popped up without warning. I didn’t know what it was. Best get it checked out, I thought. A childhood spent splashing  around in the tropical sun fleeing leeches as an army brat and four years under Anatolian skies squashing mozzies as a lotus eater and I could well be asking for trouble. My fierce (her word) German GP didn’t know what it was either. “Best get it checked out,” she barked and sent me off to a dermatologist. He didn’t know what it was. “Best get it sliced off,” he said. Four blue stitches, a neat little scar and a lab report later, it was just a wart. Not the viral kind of my carefree childhood days but the worry warts of my impending dotage. Wisdom warts Frau Doktor calls them. Witch’s warts I call them. I’ve already got a thicket sprouting from my nose, silver short and curlies and unregulated wind. What next? Gout?

15 thoughts on “Warts and All

  1. Sebaceous Warts (or more correctly – seborrheic warts) also known as senile warts. A measure of the passing years and nothing to do with past sins and nothing to worry about – had them for years and I remember the panic when they first started to appear. I was lucky enough to live in Kent where the doctors know about these things – sliced them off with a loop of red-hot wire that cauterises the spot as well. Nowadays, I just let them get on with their thing in the hope that when they all join up I’ll be in line for a starring role in the X-Men!

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  2. Best to keep your sense of humour about all these ‘surprises’ as long as you can. Sooner or later you kind of just give in, which is a lot easier than adding to the list. (All said tongue in cheek ;-))

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