in Christmas & New Year, Health 210 Words

Wherever I May Roam

The last time I received a sexual health sales pitch from Britain’s favourite high street pharmacy, it was about erectile dysfunction. Bloody cheek, I thought. No floppy problem here at Pansy HQ, no siree. Not yet, anyway. The penny must’ve dropped with the caring people at Boots the Chemist because now they recommend ‘Roam’, a masturbation cream…

“… for better penis play, heightened sensation and more intense orgasm. Unlike lubes, this transforming balm keeps you going for longer. STROKE, GLIDE & ELEVATE your solo play time. Enriched with extra caring COCONUT & SHEA.”

And apparently, it’s great for ‘edging’ and ‘jelqing’. Any idea? No? Me neither. In my day, we just called it wanking. And why ‘Roam’? Something to do while waiting for a bus in the rain? Sure beats fumbling to get the brolly up. Need some light relief in the meat and two veg aisle at Tesco’s? Or maybe getting a bit bored queuing up to ride the ‘Big One’ at Blackpool Pleasure Beach? Best whip out your Roam from your man bag and pleasure yourself instead. The mind boggles.

Still, at £4.99 with 50% off in the sales, it’s a steal. And it’s vegan too, so that’s alright then. Too late for Liam’s Christmas stocking, though.

6 thoughts on “Wherever I May Roam”

  2. My mind is boggling like crazy!! And I always think of dear old Boots as so conservative and well behaved. I am looking up those words now, although I’m not sure I want to know what they mean…

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