The campest cabaret has come to town. This year, the good burghers of Baku are proud hosts to the financially crippling annual Eurovision Song-fest. At least the well-oiled Azeris can afford to stage the ritzy affair without going cap in hand to the IMF. Various tone-deaf bottle blond painted divas with floaty hair, mincing pretty-boys in tight white lycra and hairy ruritanians in ethnic pantomime drag have parachuted into town to compete for the most infamous music prize on the planet. The Azeri autocrats are rubbing their hands in glee. As usual, votes will be cast along political and ethnic fault lines regardless of the quality (or otherwise) of the compositions, most of which will be badly sung in banal single-syllable pop English. It’s music, Jim, but not as we know it. Expect plenty of back slapping Balkan bonhomie between recently befriended old foes, top marks from the Turkish jury to their Azeri pals, the usual love-in between Athens and Nicosia and friendly hands across the Baltic. Pity poor Engelbert, he hasn’t got a hope in Hell. To not come last will be a decent achievement. Regardless of the shameless predictability of it all, we’ll be popping our euro-corks courtesy of a lovely Bitez Babe. We’ve promised not to trash the joint as Engelbert’s nul points come rolling in.
The glitzy shindig has caused quite a ruckus in the Caucasus. A couple of Eurovision websites have been hacked by anti-gay cyber attacks, leaving the catchy slogan “here is no place to immoral gays in Azerbaijan. Leave our country, no place to stay in Azerbaijan for gays who look like animals.” Now, who are they calling an old dog? The Iranians have thrown a hissy fit at the prospect of all that decadent fun and frolics from the sexually suspect just across the border. The Iranian ambassador has been withdrawn in protest, there’ve been riots by the great unwashed and a fatwa or two from the mad mullahs. Like the Puritans of old, it seems the Iranians have forgotten what is it is to have a little glittery fun. These days, what passes for Saturday night entertainment on state-controlled TV is ‘Lynch the Queers, Live”. Now, where did I put my knitting needles?
While I’m looking for them, check out the Russian entry from the singing grannies.
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Perking the Pansies 
Great piece of writing ,again, where do you find those words “ruritanians” ? I don’t watch this as find it all just a bit too painful (hiding behind the sofa stuff) and my taste in music won’t stretch to Euro pop. Whats his face from the radio, Irish guy, used to host this and that may of been the only reason I would watch it because his comments on it became legendary (unlike his name, which I have completely forgotten).
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Thanks for the compliment. It was Terry Wogan now replaced by another Irishman – Graham Norton.
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After several years of hearing and reading about Eurovision, we finally watched a bit last night. Daughter was intrigued by the choice of songs/costumes/staging, Husband was trying to keep track of the Azerbaijan slogans ‘country of poetry, country of this, country of that’ and I just find it fascinating the overlay of country/national representation on top of performance. I’m thinking Romania??
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I think it”s sometimes a sign of insecurity from relatively young nations. It was particularly bad this year because the Azeri government were trying to counter the bad press they get (mostly deserved).
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Its all good fun, but embarrassing for the UK again. As most votes cast are for a country rather than the song. But as i said its camp and fun, as millwall would say “no one likes us” but do we care……..and anyway im sure Liam loved it.
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He certainly did. I just got sozzled!
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What embarrassed me was when Engelbert’s fans cheered their man and waved their Union Jacks, Graham Norton commented “sounds like a BNP rally”. Very disappointing to hear cheering and waving flags equated with extremist racists, especially when there’ll be a lot of flags and cheering come Her Majesty’s Diamond Jubilee.
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We watched the show on Turkish TV so didn’t catch Graham’s faux pas. It was a silly comment. I’ll wave my Union Flag whenever I want. However, I do think it’s time to take back possession of the English flag from the bigots.
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. . I’ve got an idea – let’s burn all the flags – and I did say ‘flags’!
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A nice idea but unrealistic, I fear.
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It’s a little weird, culturally…But I must admit to being fascinated. The winner sounded like a Swedish Celine Dion (plus half a dozen other ballad singers, aargh). I liked the Russian Grannys. It is awful that cheering and flag-waving is just associated with scary racists, now. The idea of burning all flags kind of sounds like John Lennon’s “Imagine” – and very hard to imagine, sadly.
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We managed to watch the BBC version. Wouldn’t be the same without a bit of Mr Norton – although you can tell he’s reined in. Too bad. 😉 Malta were best with their nifty foot moves. We had a good old chuckle at that. Wonder what controversies Sweden will throw up next year…
Julia
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Who knows? We have friends that have booked their hotel in Stockholm already. Well, it’s easier to get to than Baku and alot more gay-friendly – we may join them!
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The Russian Grannies. Englebert. A young man crooning in a diamond-encrusted blindfold. Pure Eurovision class. And cultish over here.
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