While Nurse Liam is in Londra doing his Florence Nightingale gig, he frets that I’m wasting away on a liquid diet. There’s a lot to waste away these days. I could do with dropping a few pounds around the midriff. Nevertheless, he has a point. My culinary talents would never get me on Masterchef. When I was a young gay boy about town I considered my function in life to be purely decorative. That worked extremely well until I reached about thirty when the looks began to fade. After that I had to learn some proper life skills that would keep, and not just attract, a partner. These days, I’m quite handy about the house. I can scrub better than the best char in town. Sadly, the kitchen has remained a bridge too far. This may explain my life mantra – the 5Cs. This isn’t an indication of bog-standard IQ, but the formula I’ve applied to assess relationship potential. What are the 5Cs? I thought you’d never ask.
Cook – I know good food when I eat it.
Conversation – A brain and an opinion worth hearing.
Car (or the ability to drive) – Another skill I’ve never mastered.
Cuddles – I’m a romantic old sod.
And the last C? Well, I’ll leave that to your filthy imagination.
What’s your formula?
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Perking the Pansies – Jack and Liam move to Turkey
Perking the Pansies 
For the moment I am a committed singleton, due to the direness and innate sadness of middle aged dating which leaves me in the category of can’t be bothered listening to another boring middle aged minger whittering on about their boring selfs over another expensive bottle of wine which he will drink most off and I will pay half off. But I thought it would be fun to try your formula just in case .
Cook – Masterchef levels when I can be bothered, but mostly quality comfort.
Conversation – A very good brain with many fine opinions and a fair collection of useless but amusing facts.
Car (or the ability to drive) – Will drive anywhere except Turkey and don’t do reversing.
Cuddles – is that a pet goldfish?.
And the last C? locked in the bedside cabinet, brought out with less and less frequency.
Good fun thanks Jack
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Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had for a while. I nearly fell off my chair with the last line. You’ve made my night 🙂
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Laura, do you write a blog (or something else)? I’d love to read more! And Jack, you may have explained my singleness- my cooking is only passable and I can’t drive.
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I share the same flaws so it’s possible to net a good’un. Don’t give up. 😉
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Oh I think I’ll give this a go too:
Cook: Pretty good but it helps having a husband who’s not fussy and will eat anything.
Conversation: Often starved of intelligent English conversation and incapable of anything in-depth in Turkish.
Car: Need one desperately in order to escape from this village more often.
Cuddles: Love them!
The last C: Cash…could do with more of it. (I refuse to let my filthy imagination run riot on this occasion!)
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Love the 5th C. With you on that one! 😉
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I woke up this morning feeling pretty grotty but your blog and the hilarious responses have made me smile! My 5 C’s?
Cook – Very capable but after raising a family and making daily decisions about every morsel I could tempt them with, I avoid the kitchen whenever possible.
Conversation – I’m a listener ( be careful what you say).
Car – Been driving since I was 17 in London, there is nothing these Turks can do to fighten me!
Cuddles – Never enough in the world.
The last C? – Well my name IS Carole…
Thanks for making me smile Jack .
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Lovely – so you’re a good catch then?
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Okay…
We can both Cook. Always an advantage! 🙂
Conversation: I could do with doing a bit less talking and a bit more listening.
Car: I’m the chauffeur of the household – sensible move from the other half as it means he can continue his drinking ways wherever we may be whilst I mope about with my Diet Coke! I think I’m a bit rare in that I love to drive in Turkey. It’s the British road ragers I fear most!
Cuddles: LOTS of.
Might just duck out of the 5th C… or should that be Coward? 😉
Julia
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My kind of girl!
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OK, taking a stab at the 5 C’s for my relationship, CXXX aside 😉 in no particular order:
Conversation – must have it, interesting conversation about things mundane or brilliant, but must have the soundtrack to life
Caring – care and attention to me and to the humans (and animals) around us
Cuddles – Had to go with the madding crowd on that one
Calm – e.g. the ability to be so in the face or storms or just quiet moments
Cooperation – especially in navigating the roadtrip of relationship…when consensus-capability is needed.
Cash, ok a 6th – yeah – bring it on!
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Love the calm. Liam makes me calm.
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Thankfully I’m on the ‘taken’ pile but thought I’d run through the 5 c’s and see what my eligibility would be like if heaven forbid I ever find myself cast out of the ‘married’ fraternity……so here goes…..
Cook – well I prefer my food raw and if I was on my own would probably use my cooker to store my knitting in. Not off to a good start am I!!
Conversation – well yes I do possess the art but fear that my slightly skewed and hippy view of the world may scare potential suitors away!
Car – Ok, score on this one as can drive pretty much anything big or small and also can do reversing!! (years of living down a single track lane solved that one…)
Cuddles – love them but also love cat cuddles which means that most of the time I am covered in cat fur – not a good look!
And the last C – well I am a Classy Essex broad – not!! which just about seals my doom….
Good job hubby loves me isn’t it or I think I may be a lonely old spinster with nothing but my cats for company…..on second thoughts!!!
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My 5 C’s, hmmm, let’s see:
Cook – Capable of flashes of brilliance for dinner parties and holiday festitivities, but bored with the daily routine. Good thing those flashes keep them coming back for more.
Car – Enjoy driving and do a LOT, but prefer a reasonably ordered environment in which to do so. Autobahn, yes? Autobeehive, no thank you. Have traveled extensively, and there are several countries where I would never deign to get behind the wheel.
Conversation – A raging extrovert, I enjoy making connections with virtually every person I encounter. Oh the stories I can tell you about the bakery shop owner, electrician making a house call to fix our clothes dryer, harried clerk at the town hall, older woman waiting for the tram…my family continually shake their heads in disbelief. But none top those I enjoy with Husband, sipping wine amidst the candle light and dirty dinner dishes.
Cuddles – Well if that’s what you want to call it 😉
Charm – It serves one well and covers up a magnitude of sins! (Plus it’s a ‘cuddle’ magnet if you know what I mean)
I love the line ‘I considered my function in life to be purely decorative.’ I’m going to use that repeatedly, whether it was true or not.
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Look, if you´re lovable, that´s enough!!!
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Absolutely!
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