Charlotte and Alan invited us to cruise with Captain Irfan on the pleasure craft he co-owns with chief concubine number two, a neurotic Netherlander, who religiously covets his nether regions. Irfan’s financial dependency is not lost on Nancy, chief concubine number one. She decided to queer the Dutch pitch by forsaking trade and lodgings in Blighty and driving across a continent to drive home her determination to be the only mistress in town. Scuppered Irfan was peeved that the harmony of his harem had been so rudely disturbed.
Nancy joined us on the nautical jolly. I feared the perfect storm as the two randy combatants exchanged frosty glances and icy words. It all turned out to be a storm in Nancy’s D cup. By open water, Nancy and Irfan flirted like spotty adolescents at a school disco. By anchor drop, Nancy’s moisture meter had hit critical. They canoodled in the lower cabin. After their frisky frolic, Nancy emerged slightly nauseas. ‘Nancy dear,’ I chided, ‘I told you to spit, not swallow.’
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Perking the Pansies 
What a scene. You have me rolling as always, with your wit. A gulet is quite a place for a harem soap opera!
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And the funniest thing is that it’s true. You couldn’t make it up.
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Ha ha!! But then, what of the neurotic Netherlander? Did she throw herself overboard, or merely throw up?
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She’d gone back to the Netherlands so wasn’t on the boat. She’ll be back!
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With a vengeance, no doubt…
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Alla-halla!The plot thickens.
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LOL. I am literally laughing my arse off in this Aussie office of mine (quite the feat). “Nancy’s moisture meter had hit critical”. That phrase needs copyrighting. Now.
I’ll be back for more of the same please…….
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Nancy is a major character in the book and is based on a real person (she doesn’t mind, by the way) so hopefully, if you buy the book (please do – I need the cash!) you’ll get your comic fix 😉
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Okay, it’s a deal. If not just to allow you some pocket money to spend on your Turkish adventure.
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Oh, I love it. As you say, you couldn’t make it up 🙂
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Ha ha soo funny! and so true! We have our own infamous middle aged gigalo whose daily daliances with his Harem of “Vomits” keeps us entertained all summer long…. and yes we have warned them but they are truly “mad” also!
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Ah, the dillusional MADs.
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good,descriptive stuff Jack – brings a whole new meaning to that old soldier’s acronym ‘SNAFU’, Situation Normal – All F*#%ed Up 😀
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Lol
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Oh no he didn’t!! (He did.) Oh Irfan, Irfan. When will you ever learn??? Go Nancy!
I’ll have to kindly disagree with my Brit-in-Oz compatriot: the line to be copyrighted is ‘It all turned out to be a storm in Nancy’s D cup.’ Classic. Now I just have to figure out how to use it in my writing…
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Imitation is the sincerest form for flattery but I’ll expect a cut!
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